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This sentence really raised my hackles: I am made to feel that by setting boundaries I am insecure in my relationship. This is a clear sign of manipulation. And I would be VERY worried about a that cared that little for the feelings of another woman he's bedding. Hell, not just another woman..another PERSON. He's so cavalier with other people's emotions and he's obviously being that way with you if he can't accept that you aren't comfortable with this arrangement, then he's coldhearted. This is the most important factor in a successful open relationship, that BOTH parties are comfortable and accepting of the current situation and the guiding rules BEFORE anything happens. In a relationship, open or otherwise, both parties are completely allowed to say "No, I'm not comfortable with that." It doesn't even really matter why, it's the fact that your partner NEEDS to accept, without hesitation or explanation, when you aren't comfortable with something. Now, if it's something you are willing to talk about or negotiate then that can certainly be done. But under no circumstances should your partner try to convince you or coerce you into doing or allowing something that isn't okay. And unless you both want to find yourseves jobless and blackballed in the restaurant business leave this OUT of work. And truthfully, someone who was just interested in sex with another party to release pent up sexual energy would NOT be interested in flirting or "hanging out." This is your husband basiy telling you he's bitter that he tied himself down so and didn't get to experience all the dating, sleeping around and horny fornication that most people his age group are experiencing right now. He's saddled with a home, mortgage, family and all the trappings of an adult life and he's probably holding out a little regret. I'm sure he loves you and your but this could be a hard meal to swallow, especially if he has a lot of friends or is around people his age that are doing exactly what he wants to be doing. You need to sit and have a serious chat with him. You obviously want this marriage to work and if you dig way back to the part of your heart that you don't tell anyone about (not even your husband) I'm sure you'll find that you probably really want a monogamous marriage. And that's perfectly okay. Woodsville nh xxx. Swinging.